By: Lyndsay Crews
I was irritated. 3:30 AM wasn’t so bad in college, but it’s my least favorite time of day to be awake. It was my third time up that night with my little 5-week old girl who had severe colic. At the time, my oldest was 18 months old so I wasn’t able to nap during the day to overcome the nightly sleep deprivation. All mommas know about newborn exhaustion. As I laid back in bed, I looked over at my sleeping husband and bore a hole in the back of his head with my eyes. It didn’t wake him up. I was irritated at my husband for sleeping (irrational), irritated with my daughter for crying (irrational) and irritated at myself for being irritated. I kept telling myself that being a momma was what I wanted. And, it was what I wanted. But the actual reality of sleepless nights and other motherhood challenges were not meeting my expectation of always enjoying motherhood. Not only was I irritated, but I also felt guilty for not enjoying being a momma. Hopefully, I’m not alone in this.
It’s a struggle. When our current reality (like a colicky baby) doesn’t meet our expectations (like the adorable Gerber baby), we start blaming God. Some examples “God, why didn’t you let my kid get into charter school?” or “God, why didn’t I get that promotion?” We start to lose trust in Him because we think we know what’s best. We want God to bend to our will instead of adjusting our expectations to be in His will.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8
When things don’t go like I think they should, I know I struggle. Pray with me that the Lord adjusts our expectations and shows us how to follow His ways even if they don’t make sense to us in the moment.